A Light From Within, This Old Woman's Writing Dreams

Of all the different aspects of getting old, relevance is the biggest ones. We’re a society that carries a lot of baggage with regards to age. I don’t mind being old. I’m impressed that in spite of all the bone-head moves I’ve made in life, I’ve actually made it this far. I love the slowdown and the ability to pause and breathe in the world that this third chapter inspires.

As a much younger woman, I sprinted through life, rarely reflecting or contemplating how my soul wanted to express in the world. I was always chasing an answer, when what would have served me were better questions. Being an old woman now, the pace and the questions of life nourish me, so I now ask this: How does my soul want to express itself in this world? Do dreams expire with age?

Yesterday morning I read a piece by

Tim Denning

, The Writing Dream is Dead. He said that working hard to write a really good book, which takes several years for most of us, no longer guarantees a publisher. Even if you get a publishing deal, a book will probably not make you rich let alone support you. His words hold a world of truth. The publishing industry is in the throws of a major identity crisis and there are more writers in the world than there are readers. This is the most literate time in our history, as so many people write and aspire to the dream of a published book. Tim wasn’t saying that writing is dead, he was saying that we need to look beyond the holy grail of a book deal to the horizon of digital writing; that a platform will reach more people than book sales will. Digital writing is the future, according to Tim.

I have two novels that are sitting with a literary agent whom I adore. He is my second agent in ten years. My first one could not sell a debut novel and then, our relationship was over. The End. I don’t know if the newer agent will sell my work either. He’s certainly earnest. He’s created lots of publishing deals over the years, but he also knows he’s working with publishers in a dizzying time where there is an attitude of “you need to be famous before we give you deal.” Translation: the influencer on Instagram with 100K followers, who doesn’t really stand for anything, is more likely to get a publishing contract than I am. And yet, knowing all of this – I still live and love the writing dream. The dream has changed however.

For ten years, I studied the craft like crazy. I wrote. I pitched. I signed with an agent. I worked with coaches. I signed with another agent, and still no book deal, so I had to wonder, is being obsessed with the writer’s dream another bone-head move? No, it isn’t, and I’m going to tell you why.

Getting old has taught me that dreams change, just as we do. I love my agent and I hope for a book deal, but my writing dream has changed from “please, please, choose me. Choose my book,” to appreciating the value and nourishment that the writing life provides me.

Every day when I get up, I settle into the morning with a mug of black tea and I write. I love this solitary time. I write in a journal, because journaling is where my writing began, influenced by the likes of Anais Nin, Tristine Rainer, and May Sarton. Journaling helps me to pay attention to the questions my soul asks of me. I can express rage or joy onto the page; I can reflect and contemplate; and I can let the poetry flow through my pen. It’s an intimate and very satisfying time, which helps me to make sense of my life and the world around me. Later in the morning I work on my weekly Substack post, sometimes a post for

StoryCircleNetwork

an organization that I love and support. And then I turn to the current larger manuscript, because yes, I still write book-length pieces. But what feeds me these days is not the dream of being published by one of the Big Five. What feeds me is this: writing has become a doorway into the examined life. Because inner work, personal growth and reflection are important to me, and because stories reveal who and where we are as a people and as a culture.

Okay Tim, I’m trying to keep up here, but still be true to myself. I’m curious about AI and ways to use it that are helpful to the writer’s process including generating titles, research, and images. I don’t want AI to write for me, because why would I turn that over to a robot when the process of writing is what lights me up? I like reading and learning from people like you, Tim, because it allows me to see the world through younger eyes and that influences my writing and my writing life, too.

This morning, I’m sitting outside on the patio with my laptop. There’s a slight breeze in the air and the amazing beauty of my yard backing up to the Texas woods. I have a cup of Earl Grey beside me, and a dog at my feet. I’ve journaled for a little bit, read a few Substacks, and I’m about to read another chapter in James Hollis’ new book, Living With Borrowed Dust. This is how I start my day and I feel blessed to do so. I

I’m an old woman in a changing world, but I still love to create. I’m curious. I enjoy studying people like Carl Jung, Dennis Patrick Slattery and James Hollis. I’m currently taking a nine month class on Homer’s epic, The Odyssey. I have a community of writers with whom I share writing and friendships. My Substack keeps growing and I find it thrilling to have a small audience who reads my work and engages with me in conversation about my posts. In short, the writing life is good.

As the world changes, in spite of our age, we can change with it. We can be curious. We can learn new things. I’ve long known that one of the great secrets to aging well is the ability to adapt. For example, my exercise regime has gone through a lot of adaptations in the last twenty years, but I’m still exercising regularly. So too with the writing dream, my dream has changed, but I didn’t have to give it up, just like I didn’t have to give up exercise. I’ve adapted my writing dream to fit the times that I live in. I write because it’s the doorway to the examined life. I write books because I love to make things. And I have a platform, digital writing, that’s turning out to be a very engaging process. I can’t imagine my life without writing, or reading for that matter.

I think Tim is right when he says that digital writing is the future of publishing, but I’d also add, it’s not the only future of publishing. I know too many people who still buy books, who enjoy holding a book in their hands and getting lost in its pages.

Even if digital writing takes over the world, I will always be a book lover, a book buyer, and a book reader who forever believes that a home isn’t really a home without books… a lot of books!

What about you?

Has your writing dream changed with the times?

Would an ongoing digital audience be as satisfying to you as a book audience would be? Can we have both?

Please share your process with us and let’s have a conversation.

Thank you for being here, dear and precious reader. A special thank you today to an old friend,

Jennie Nash

for instilling in me the rules of the road for writing, as well as a love for the writing process and its personal discoveries. And much appreciation to

Dan Blank

, someone I’ve never met, but read faithfully. I’m inspired and heartened that he honors the humanities in his work. A shoutout and thanks to a kindred spirit, writer and psychologist

Dr. Bronce Rice

. And deep gratitude to

Brooke Warner

who has created a publishing space for women to write their stories. After all, we connect through our stories . . .