Beautiful as always, Stephanie. I love that you draw a distinction between old age, that time of living fully in ourselves and sharing our wisdom, and receding, when we withdraw toward whatever is next. I am relishing old age and the freedom to be more fully me and practice my terraphilia, living in kinship with this numinous earth. I don't know when receding will come, but I aim to enter that phase with my heart outstretched too. Blessings to you!
A distinction that it's about time we made! I continue to be inspired, curious and grateful for the way in which you share about practicing Terraphilia. Before I met you, I didn't know the word. Now that I do, I'll share that it means our relationship with earth. That definition in and of itself lights me up. Big hugs.
terraphilia n. humans' innate connection to and affiliation with the earth and all the lives with whom we share the planet. Without this connection, we are lonely, lost, no longer whole.
In these anxious and distressing times, reconnecting with our terraphilia, with nature and this earth, is grounding, soothing, and strengthening. Time in nature practicing our terraphilia lowers our blood pressure and heart rates, quiets our flight-or-flight systems, clears our thinking, increases our ability for empathy and creativity, and helps alleviate depression. In short, practicing terraphilia could save us.
I’ve known a number of women who didn’t recede as much as instantly departed - as you’ve described. Sending love and hugs and a strong intention that we’re in that group.
I have too. My mother being one of them. For her, the process was a year. My friend's mother-in-law is a slower. Still the point remains the same, that old age and the time of receding are two different stages -- and I'm with you Susan, I hope I'm in the group that goes swiftly. Thanks for being here, Susan and for being part of the conversation. Big hugs.
Thanks, Lee! It's the short version of a line I adapted from a Mary Chapin Carpenter song, which I say as my intention every night: "I am living with my heart outstretched as if it was my hand." Not an easy way to live, but so fulfilling.
I'm always happy to share such a beautiful and powerful intention. Mary Chapin Carpenter continues to inspire me--her songwriting and her singing. Blessings!
I needed your writing this morning, Stephanie. What a clarifying distinction between old age and receding time. I didn't mind aging (too much) until recently, when I noticed my husband of fifty-two years not remembering things we'd talked about an hour earlier. I am grieving the loss of my partner's brain. I wrote a poem about it this morning, if I might share.
Upon the occasion of my husband’s cognitive decline
The reading said, “Trust that you are not alone. Spirit is with you always.”
My mind said, “I am depressed. No, I am grieving. Life is changing, and I don’t want it to.”
Sprit said, “Grieve, my love. Of course, you don’t want life to change. It was good. AND you can change with life. It will be good again.
My mind said, “I don’t know about that. I’ll try to trust.”
Your poem says it all. This is such a rich time of introspection and feeling with regard to what is happening to us and around us as we grow old. And to know and embrace that there is a receding time that is different from just being old -- a last sacred passage where we may lose our words and thoughts, maybe because we are already walking with spirit on the edges of eternity, and we just don't need the words or thoughts anymore. Nonetheless, I would grieve too and let grief shine her light. She has something to give to you. Sending you so much love and goodwill. Keeping you in my heart. Big hugs. ~S
What a rich question. I don’t see old age as something to fear—but I do see it as something we’ve been taught to fear, and that’s a very different thing.
For me, aging feels like a return. A return to essence, to clarity, to the self I tucked away while surviving everyone else’s expectations. My rituals are simple: painting without permission, wearing what makes me feel alive, and saying “no” without guilt. That, to me, is celebration.
I don’t wear old age like a badge. I wear it like a key.
To softness. To sovereignty. To truth.
Thank you for inviting such a soulful conversation.
You make an interesting point, that old age is something we are "taught" to fear. I love the idea of a return, the surviving of other's expectations. AND I adore the way you celebrate! Thank you for joining in the conversation with such thoughtful insights and revealings. Much appreciation and goodwill. I'm glad you're here.
“What matters is reflected in the soul”. Sing on, Stephanie 🌟 I’m right there with you. Finally, I don’t give a flip what other people think about me. At 73, I’m helping build a Deathcare community where we focus on living fully till our last breath. It’s actually liberating to imagine & talk about who & what we want around us at the end of this life. Thank you for writing this…so inspiring!
Lee, do you write about your Deathcare community on Substack? I am so interested in reading about it. Thank you for the good work you are doing in the world -- death is our final sacred passage from here to . . .
Stephanie, I write about being a better elder and the wonders of nature on my Substack (Radiant Wise Women). I will be writing about the Deathcare community in June and look forward to sharing my insights. Thank you for sharing your world with us💫
As you probably know, it’s quite enlivening to talk about and be present with death. Did you know that the brain releases the same “you are one with all that exists” chemicals in the brain during childbirth and at the moment of death? Fascinating!
I love your writing and appreciate your encouragement💓
Oh my gosh, I love this! "Did you know that the brain releases the same 'you are one with all that exists' chemicals in the brain during childbirth and at the moment of death?"
We have so much to learn from you and this amazing project you are engaged in. Lee Summer Irwin Radiant Wise Women -- check it out!
Fascinating thread here ladies! I’m writing about embracing ageing now but my previous business for 8 years was in end of life planning. When I began it, that wasn’t even a search term - very different now. I’ve just signed up to your newsletter Lee, but do let me know when you’re beginning to talk about death. It’s such a hugely important subject to bring into the light.
That must be an amazing overview to see "end of life planning" go from not even searchable to where it is blooming now! Thanks for being here. ~Stephanie
Great to meet you, Jane! No surprise that we would connect here… I look forward to learning from you. Part of what we’re doing in our Deathcare community is envisioning what we want around us as we transition out of this world—the music, touch, people, scenery, nature, animals, etc. I’m planning to write about it in early June — thank you for subscribing💓
Hi Lee, I love the sound of a "Deathcare community" and look forward to reading more in June. It's fascinating to think about "what we want around us as we transition out of this world—the music, touch, people, scenery, nature, animals, etc." as this points towards what we can cultivate having around us in our everyday lives🥰
Yes, Camilla💓 This is what we’re nurturing…an awareness of how we can intentionally create a joyful life from now until we breathe our last breath. One moment at a time🦋
Beautiful writing Stephanie, thank you so much for this, so much of it resonated with me. It's a funny thing but at almost 72 I often think I'm only just learning how to live. 🙏🏻
" . . . only just learning how to live." Ain't it the truth, though?! I feel that way too. In these older years I feel more keenly in tune with the world of senses and the world of nature than I ever was in my younger years. Biggest of hugs, Frankie. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
These last few weeks, I have been struggling with how to reframe “getting old,” for myself. Accepting the deficits that come with the process of aging has been hard but I am emerging- with clarity and inner strength - as a warrior crone! Age and experience count! Reading your thoughtful, beautiful piece made me smile. Thank you. 🙏🏼 😊
Gotta love a warrior crone!!! Old age is such a rich time of personal development. You might like Connie Zweig's book, "The Inner Work of Age, from role to soul." I got a lot out of it and there is a deep underscoring of age and experience that leads to wisdom. Big smiles back at ya. Sending love, hugs and goodwill. Thank you for being here.
This is one of the joys of Substack - how it brightens the connections between us: I loved being in a Gateless writing class with Annette, and I get a thrill out of seeing the connection between the two of you. Blessings to you both🥰♥️🙏🕊️
Lovely post, thanks for sharing it. I'd never thought about the distinction of becoming an older, wiser person and one who is receding to the infinity of stardust. (If I understood correctly!) I'm trying to accept all that comes with aging, and the more I let go of, the easier this becomes! 🌿🌼🌺
I've been thinking a lot about this distinction and it's helpful for me to know that there is a deeper level of living in old age and that The Receding Time is different than being old -- it literally is a slow recede from life, back to stardust. So much appreciation for your kind and thoughtful post.
This: "What matters isn’t reflected in the mirror anymore. It’s reflected in the soul. And that reflection, that dialogue with the soul, may be the greatest gift of being old."
You grace my day, my world. I think you're affecting, and part of, my current metamorphosis, therefore contributing to my well-being. How wonderful is that? Grazie.
Our sister energy has been intertwined since the day we met, Jeanne. I love having you in my life and miss that you no longer live up the road. But I'm also grateful that we had so many lunches, dinners and lingering conversations that seem to continue on. Biggest of hugs and have a great day oh wonderful one. Grazi, back at ya.
Dearest Stephanie, Thank you for this—what you’ve written is both a meditation and a mirror.
Yes, there is such a difference between old age and the time of receding. One is visible in the body; the other is often quiet, interior, and deeply spiritual. You’ve named it with such grace.
Your grandmother’s faith, your sister’s reverence, and your mother’s curiosity form a lineage of endings that speak not of fear—but of love, trust, and readiness. That’s a rare and precious inheritance.
I’m moved by your morning ritual—it holds both devotion and surrender.
“Please guide me to walk through this day with a kind and grateful heart.”
What a powerful way to meet each moment as it comes, especially in these tender thresholds.
Thank you for walking this road with such heart with me and so many other women beside you, learning not to give a hoot and loving the darkness of old wisdom.
Thank you, precious sister. I'm so glad that we've connected and that we share this rich darkness of "old wisdom." Sending you so much love and goodwill. I'm looking forward to our ongoing conversation. Big hugs.
To me being in my old age is somewhat confusing because I feel I got here too soon. My heart is young, my me is intact, I am still curious but I know when to let it be. The body insists on receding after ten years of struggling to stay ahead of cancer that hides and then reaches out to my organs to continue receding. I hurt for my husband, family and friends who are looking in on me. But I try to keep shining every day. Sometimes though, I spit.
You describe a difficult and valiant journey. I would spit too. And even in that, you do shine -- your care and love for the people around; your love for yourself; your young, curious and open heart. You shine bright. Sending you love, and I wish I could send more. Holding you in my heart this day. Thank you so much for being here and speaking your truth.
Beautiful as always, Stephanie. I love that you draw a distinction between old age, that time of living fully in ourselves and sharing our wisdom, and receding, when we withdraw toward whatever is next. I am relishing old age and the freedom to be more fully me and practice my terraphilia, living in kinship with this numinous earth. I don't know when receding will come, but I aim to enter that phase with my heart outstretched too. Blessings to you!
A distinction that it's about time we made! I continue to be inspired, curious and grateful for the way in which you share about practicing Terraphilia. Before I met you, I didn't know the word. Now that I do, I'll share that it means our relationship with earth. That definition in and of itself lights me up. Big hugs.
Thanks, Stephanie!
terraphilia n. humans' innate connection to and affiliation with the earth and all the lives with whom we share the planet. Without this connection, we are lonely, lost, no longer whole.
In these anxious and distressing times, reconnecting with our terraphilia, with nature and this earth, is grounding, soothing, and strengthening. Time in nature practicing our terraphilia lowers our blood pressure and heart rates, quiets our flight-or-flight systems, clears our thinking, increases our ability for empathy and creativity, and helps alleviate depression. In short, practicing terraphilia could save us.
Gorgeous! Thank you for this complete definition. So much to unpack and ponder.
I’m surprised that this important distinction has yet to be widely recognized.
Right? Me too, Susan. Lumping Old age with the time when we recede from life -- two distinct passages. Sending you love and hugs.
I’ve known a number of women who didn’t recede as much as instantly departed - as you’ve described. Sending love and hugs and a strong intention that we’re in that group.
I have too. My mother being one of them. For her, the process was a year. My friend's mother-in-law is a slower. Still the point remains the same, that old age and the time of receding are two different stages -- and I'm with you Susan, I hope I'm in the group that goes swiftly. Thanks for being here, Susan and for being part of the conversation. Big hugs.
“With my heart outstretched.” Love that, Susan🌷
Thanks, Lee! It's the short version of a line I adapted from a Mary Chapin Carpenter song, which I say as my intention every night: "I am living with my heart outstretched as if it was my hand." Not an easy way to live, but so fulfilling.
Oh my, how I adore Mary Chapin Carpenter…the soundtrack of my 40’s 🎶 I’m sharing that beautiful intention with you💓
I'm always happy to share such a beautiful and powerful intention. Mary Chapin Carpenter continues to inspire me--her songwriting and her singing. Blessings!
I needed your writing this morning, Stephanie. What a clarifying distinction between old age and receding time. I didn't mind aging (too much) until recently, when I noticed my husband of fifty-two years not remembering things we'd talked about an hour earlier. I am grieving the loss of my partner's brain. I wrote a poem about it this morning, if I might share.
Upon the occasion of my husband’s cognitive decline
The reading said, “Trust that you are not alone. Spirit is with you always.”
My mind said, “I am depressed. No, I am grieving. Life is changing, and I don’t want it to.”
Sprit said, “Grieve, my love. Of course, you don’t want life to change. It was good. AND you can change with life. It will be good again.
My mind said, “I don’t know about that. I’ll try to trust.”
Your poem says it all. This is such a rich time of introspection and feeling with regard to what is happening to us and around us as we grow old. And to know and embrace that there is a receding time that is different from just being old -- a last sacred passage where we may lose our words and thoughts, maybe because we are already walking with spirit on the edges of eternity, and we just don't need the words or thoughts anymore. Nonetheless, I would grieve too and let grief shine her light. She has something to give to you. Sending you so much love and goodwill. Keeping you in my heart. Big hugs. ~S
Thanks, Stephanie. I'll survive this with help from friends, and writing, and writing friends.
We are so lucky to be writers — journaling helps me to untangle a lot of knots. Sending love.
What a rich question. I don’t see old age as something to fear—but I do see it as something we’ve been taught to fear, and that’s a very different thing.
For me, aging feels like a return. A return to essence, to clarity, to the self I tucked away while surviving everyone else’s expectations. My rituals are simple: painting without permission, wearing what makes me feel alive, and saying “no” without guilt. That, to me, is celebration.
I don’t wear old age like a badge. I wear it like a key.
To softness. To sovereignty. To truth.
Thank you for inviting such a soulful conversation.
You make an interesting point, that old age is something we are "taught" to fear. I love the idea of a return, the surviving of other's expectations. AND I adore the way you celebrate! Thank you for joining in the conversation with such thoughtful insights and revealings. Much appreciation and goodwill. I'm glad you're here.
“What matters is reflected in the soul”. Sing on, Stephanie 🌟 I’m right there with you. Finally, I don’t give a flip what other people think about me. At 73, I’m helping build a Deathcare community where we focus on living fully till our last breath. It’s actually liberating to imagine & talk about who & what we want around us at the end of this life. Thank you for writing this…so inspiring!
Lee, do you write about your Deathcare community on Substack? I am so interested in reading about it. Thank you for the good work you are doing in the world -- death is our final sacred passage from here to . . .
Love and appreciation!
Stephanie, I write about being a better elder and the wonders of nature on my Substack (Radiant Wise Women). I will be writing about the Deathcare community in June and look forward to sharing my insights. Thank you for sharing your world with us💫
I look forward to reading about the Deathcare community. It's a beautiful concept. Thank you for this.
As you probably know, it’s quite enlivening to talk about and be present with death. Did you know that the brain releases the same “you are one with all that exists” chemicals in the brain during childbirth and at the moment of death? Fascinating!
I love your writing and appreciate your encouragement💓
Oh my gosh, I love this! "Did you know that the brain releases the same 'you are one with all that exists' chemicals in the brain during childbirth and at the moment of death?"
We have so much to learn from you and this amazing project you are engaged in. Lee Summer Irwin Radiant Wise Women -- check it out!
Fascinating thread here ladies! I’m writing about embracing ageing now but my previous business for 8 years was in end of life planning. When I began it, that wasn’t even a search term - very different now. I’ve just signed up to your newsletter Lee, but do let me know when you’re beginning to talk about death. It’s such a hugely important subject to bring into the light.
That must be an amazing overview to see "end of life planning" go from not even searchable to where it is blooming now! Thanks for being here. ~Stephanie
Great to meet you, Jane! No surprise that we would connect here… I look forward to learning from you. Part of what we’re doing in our Deathcare community is envisioning what we want around us as we transition out of this world—the music, touch, people, scenery, nature, animals, etc. I’m planning to write about it in early June — thank you for subscribing💓
Hi Lee, I love the sound of a "Deathcare community" and look forward to reading more in June. It's fascinating to think about "what we want around us as we transition out of this world—the music, touch, people, scenery, nature, animals, etc." as this points towards what we can cultivate having around us in our everyday lives🥰
Yes, Camilla💓 This is what we’re nurturing…an awareness of how we can intentionally create a joyful life from now until we breathe our last breath. One moment at a time🦋
It is an honour to be croning alongside you, even with the Atlantic between us, dear Stephanie! x
I like to refer to you as my Crone-friend from across the pond, Jody. Sending you love and goodwill this day. Thank you for walking beside me. XOXO ~S
Beautiful writing Stephanie, thank you so much for this, so much of it resonated with me. It's a funny thing but at almost 72 I often think I'm only just learning how to live. 🙏🏻
" . . . only just learning how to live." Ain't it the truth, though?! I feel that way too. In these older years I feel more keenly in tune with the world of senses and the world of nature than I ever was in my younger years. Biggest of hugs, Frankie. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
Same!💜
These last few weeks, I have been struggling with how to reframe “getting old,” for myself. Accepting the deficits that come with the process of aging has been hard but I am emerging- with clarity and inner strength - as a warrior crone! Age and experience count! Reading your thoughtful, beautiful piece made me smile. Thank you. 🙏🏼 😊
Gotta love a warrior crone!!! Old age is such a rich time of personal development. You might like Connie Zweig's book, "The Inner Work of Age, from role to soul." I got a lot out of it and there is a deep underscoring of age and experience that leads to wisdom. Big smiles back at ya. Sending love, hugs and goodwill. Thank you for being here.
TY. I just ordered it. 🎶🎈
Oh, good! I think you will resonate with the message. Big hugs.
This is one of the joys of Substack - how it brightens the connections between us: I loved being in a Gateless writing class with Annette, and I get a thrill out of seeing the connection between the two of you. Blessings to you both🥰♥️🙏🕊️
Lovely post, thanks for sharing it. I'd never thought about the distinction of becoming an older, wiser person and one who is receding to the infinity of stardust. (If I understood correctly!) I'm trying to accept all that comes with aging, and the more I let go of, the easier this becomes! 🌿🌼🌺
I've been thinking a lot about this distinction and it's helpful for me to know that there is a deeper level of living in old age and that The Receding Time is different than being old -- it literally is a slow recede from life, back to stardust. So much appreciation for your kind and thoughtful post.
This: "What matters isn’t reflected in the mirror anymore. It’s reflected in the soul. And that reflection, that dialogue with the soul, may be the greatest gift of being old."
You grace my day, my world. I think you're affecting, and part of, my current metamorphosis, therefore contributing to my well-being. How wonderful is that? Grazie.
Our sister energy has been intertwined since the day we met, Jeanne. I love having you in my life and miss that you no longer live up the road. But I'm also grateful that we had so many lunches, dinners and lingering conversations that seem to continue on. Biggest of hugs and have a great day oh wonderful one. Grazi, back at ya.
Sister energy. I SO love that.
With acceptance, I pluck these words from your post: "Being old is a privilege."
Right on, sister! Sending love and goodwill.
Dearest Stephanie, Thank you for this—what you’ve written is both a meditation and a mirror.
Yes, there is such a difference between old age and the time of receding. One is visible in the body; the other is often quiet, interior, and deeply spiritual. You’ve named it with such grace.
Your grandmother’s faith, your sister’s reverence, and your mother’s curiosity form a lineage of endings that speak not of fear—but of love, trust, and readiness. That’s a rare and precious inheritance.
I’m moved by your morning ritual—it holds both devotion and surrender.
“Please guide me to walk through this day with a kind and grateful heart.”
What a powerful way to meet each moment as it comes, especially in these tender thresholds.
Thank you for walking this road with such heart with me and so many other women beside you, learning not to give a hoot and loving the darkness of old wisdom.
Thank you, precious sister. I'm so glad that we've connected and that we share this rich darkness of "old wisdom." Sending you so much love and goodwill. I'm looking forward to our ongoing conversation. Big hugs.
Such a lovely, gentle read. Thank you. Your words have settled deep inside my heart and I will return to them often.
Thank you, Julie. I appreciate your kind and gentle comment. May we all settle deep into our hearts and learn this brave new horizon. Biggest of hugs.
This essay gives me so much to consider—thank you for this.
Thanks for being in my world, Christina. You are such a bright light. Hugs.
Beauty-fully expressed and so true 💜
Thank you, sweet Elly. I appreciate your being here.
Stephanie, this is incredibly beautiful, snd so true! Thank-you!
Thank you, Kathy. I appreciate your support. Big hugs.
To me being in my old age is somewhat confusing because I feel I got here too soon. My heart is young, my me is intact, I am still curious but I know when to let it be. The body insists on receding after ten years of struggling to stay ahead of cancer that hides and then reaches out to my organs to continue receding. I hurt for my husband, family and friends who are looking in on me. But I try to keep shining every day. Sometimes though, I spit.
You describe a difficult and valiant journey. I would spit too. And even in that, you do shine -- your care and love for the people around; your love for yourself; your young, curious and open heart. You shine bright. Sending you love, and I wish I could send more. Holding you in my heart this day. Thank you so much for being here and speaking your truth.
Thank you Stephanie, and for welcoming me.