I believe that as we age, many of us understand Annie Dillard's observation that "how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Living on a working-class income for several decades, I have resisted consumerism for most of my life. Once my late husband and I increased our income, I went through a stage of collecting stuff and indulged in Christmas decorations and celebrations. During that period of several years, I also developed a deeper relationship with nature and the outdoors, and in a few short years, that relationship replaced my consumerism.
In the early 2000s, I rebelled and changed how I celebrate holidays. Thanksgiving became a pot of soup, a loaf of homemade bread, and a hike at a nearby wildlife refuge. I do like Christmas and decorate a smallish tree, and display some simple decorations but each year, I reduce what I have and do.
I don't understand the attraction to plastic blow-up Christmas decorations and massive light displays, and when I lived in the suburbs, it was the norm. It seems like a lot of work for something the displayer does not actually see much.
Sue, Love that Annie Dillard quote. Thanks for that. Like you, I revel in what has become a traditional hike on Thanksgiving and Christmas mornings. And little lights that shine a kind of simplicity and sweetness -- that definitely enough for me. Sending peace and goodwill. May our holidays be cozy.
Oh, Stephanie, you speak so truly here. Our culture is addicted to consumption--the evidence of our insatiable appetite is all around us, wherever we go. Homo Colossus, one ecologist has called us. And we're not just consuming stuff, we're consuming the planet and the resources that our children/grandchildren will need. I'm glad for the personal peace each of us can feel as we free ourselves from these habits. But I also hope that we feel an increasingly deep distress--as you do here--as we witness the impact of human greed around us. Ooooh, as I read this, I see how dark and preachy it sounds. Apologies for that, and yet I feel it must be said.
Not preachy at all -- and this is no time to ignore the darkness, especially when our choices and our actions can become part of a bigger light. Happy Holidays dear woman. I'm so grateful for your guiding presence in my writing life.
Resolve is my focus this year during the solstice and the winter holidays that lead to the new year. Inner resolve that is my fire within. I've always been a minimalist having been brought up poor in the South during the 40s and 50s. It's such a freedom to live with less, enriching by allowing an inner peace. The slow pace of life and the poverty of the Deep South was a gift to me then as a child and now as an elder. Happy Holidays!
Kate, what a beautiful framing of your story, and truly the wisdom of an elder. Thank you. I agree that living with less enriches our inner peace. The holidays have just gotten too loud. Sending goodwill and a very peaceful holiday.
Beautiful sentiments, Stephanie. We too have scaled back on holiday noise and distraction and focus on quiet evenings with teeny lights. Christmas cards/letters and the stress they bring have also gone by the wayside. Peace, quiet and kindness are what I wish for all❤️💚
We are on the same page, Marilea. I'm so grateful for an extended time of quiet and kindness -- that's what the holidays are about for me too. Wishing you and yours the sweetness and simplicity of a gentle celebration.
To me, the holidays are about two things. The first is flavors. My bestest holiday family gathering memories involve fun new, or beloved traditional things to taste!
I carry this “love of all” out into my life in the same way. “Here, I love you. So taste this wonderful new thing my family loves, or taste this amazing new thing that I’ve found!” It’s a celebration of the now, the very most immediate now of life’s joy is flavors. To me.
The other aspect of holidays (and aging) is energy. How much energy do I have to spread flavorful joy to how many people? And still have time for my own?
Needless to say, that integer drops as I age. So I take effort to marshal and apportion that energy pretty carefully these days. Any waste of that energy, the animus of my holiday spirit, is uncool unto me.
So I see a big ole’ waste of holiday energy going on across the street from your house, it wrankles me every time.
That waste of energy ruins the holiday flavor for me!
Absolutely saw how you brought that full circle. Well done. As for waste, it makes my heart sink when I think about all those Christmas blow-ups -- they will just wind up in landfill. And as you point out, the energy of putting so much stuff on the front lawn could have gone for sharing foods and tastes with others, bringing about connection. Sending love, hugs and goodwill this holiday season, Eric. Thanks for being a part of my world -- and Dean's too.
I cherish our peaceful holidays now. I feel deeply appreciative that our grown children suggested years ago that we forego the shopping and gift-giving in lieu of gathering whenever we can and enjoying a pot luck and a day of playing games, something that has always been an important part of our family life. I honestly believe our celebrations are so much better than when the tree was crowded with gifts and the calendar illegible due to all the activities and commitments. Now we have two new grandbabies. Although we all agreed that giving gifts to children was still fine, I limit myself to one carefully chosen gift for each. Because of my personal commitments, I try to make those non-plastic and something that contributes to their connection to the natural world.
Leenie, How wonderful that you give non-plastic gifts to your grandbabies. What a great commitment. And I love the ritual of breaking bread, sharing food, playing games, connecting. This is what the holidays should be — a gentle and joyous remembering of one another’s hearts; an undeniable connection to the DNA of the love that binds us. May your holidays be so very sweet and cozy.
I chose not to decorate a home with all of the usual Christmas trappings this year, and instead have only had a few strings of coloured lights. And it’s been enough.
Thank you for an excellent reminder about the season.💕
Thank you Barbara. When someone has an emotional response to something I've written, I feel I've done my work. Thank you for sharing that this piece moved you.
What an amazing, insightful post. I did chuckle about your comment on your neighbor's lights probably being seen in outer space.
I'm with you. I hate the consumerism -- and it's always about buying more and more and more and if you don't fall in with the buying crowd, then you are not enough. To me, it's sheer nonsense. I don't need the latest gadget and more things. I just need the love of people in my life. The holidays had lost their meaning for me -- until this year.
This year, I felt some joy. My family and I "adopted" a family in need and bought them presents that they had asked for. Our goal was not to buy each other gifts. And giving people what they needed and wanted instead of giving and receiving more things for ourselves felt so good. It warmed my heart.
I love that you are critical of consumerism, but not your neighbor. Even those who are way over the top in consumerism can be wonderful people.
Thank you for this wonderful article. Wishing you a great holiday, living it your way and filled with love.
How nourishing to the heart it must feel to have adopted a family for the holidays. And I can see how that would light a sense of joy and goodwill. "The love of people in my life" is all I need and want for the holidays." This says it all. At our essence, being loved and giving love is really the celebration of our soul light in these shorter, darker, days. Thank you, Beth, for being a part of my world and a kindred spirt. Happy, sweet, cozy holidays, friend.
The house you described reminds me of a movie. I watched with my daughters recently, and I can’t remember the name of it, but it has to do with this house that wanted to be seen from Outer space.
Of course, there was a competition between the two neighbors. The consumer is almost endless debt
And zero happiness.
The not enough syndrome is sad
I love your sentiments thank you for this beautiful essay.
Funny note :
I misplaced all of our Christmas decorations and not on purpose. So we have this tiny little tree with no ornaments because I’m sure the box is gonna appear. I don’t wanna buy anything more 😘
"The consumer is almost endless debt and zero happiness." Yes, this is sadly the state for so many. That's why your story; the way that you walk in the world; the medicine way that you teach; that's why you are a beckoning light in this storm. Sometimes I think we just don't know where or how to start. We need someone to take us by the hand and walk us outside, point up to the stars and say "you belong to all of this. This is you're home."That's how I hold the work you do in the world. Looking forward to seeing you in 2025. Until then, have a sweet celebration with Abby, Libby and the angels that hover, (including the amazing pup). Sending you and yours love, hugs and appreciation.
Lovely piece Stephanie. As I get older I want more meaningful experiences and less stuff. I decorate a tiny little tree with handmade ornaments that my grown children made when they were little, I set up a small winter display atop a blanket of snow with a few pinecones, candles and my favorite snowmen. Connecting with family and friends amid the quiet moments are what it's all about for me. Fills my heart. Have a beautiful, peaceful holiday ✨️
Jeanne, I love the simple and beautiful tradition you've built -- ornaments that your grown children made when they were little -- so sweet, so perfect, so what the holidays should be. I must confess that your comment gave me one small twinge of wanting "more". I'd love to be able to gather some pine cones. Love the way they look, and the way they smell. Peaceful holidays and coziness to you.
Thank you for this renewed perspective on the excess all around us. It all seems a bit silly, doesn't it? You're right, all we really need is each other. Happy holidays, Stephanie!
I believe that as we age, many of us understand Annie Dillard's observation that "how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Living on a working-class income for several decades, I have resisted consumerism for most of my life. Once my late husband and I increased our income, I went through a stage of collecting stuff and indulged in Christmas decorations and celebrations. During that period of several years, I also developed a deeper relationship with nature and the outdoors, and in a few short years, that relationship replaced my consumerism.
In the early 2000s, I rebelled and changed how I celebrate holidays. Thanksgiving became a pot of soup, a loaf of homemade bread, and a hike at a nearby wildlife refuge. I do like Christmas and decorate a smallish tree, and display some simple decorations but each year, I reduce what I have and do.
I don't understand the attraction to plastic blow-up Christmas decorations and massive light displays, and when I lived in the suburbs, it was the norm. It seems like a lot of work for something the displayer does not actually see much.
Sue, Love that Annie Dillard quote. Thanks for that. Like you, I revel in what has become a traditional hike on Thanksgiving and Christmas mornings. And little lights that shine a kind of simplicity and sweetness -- that definitely enough for me. Sending peace and goodwill. May our holidays be cozy.
Oh, Stephanie, you speak so truly here. Our culture is addicted to consumption--the evidence of our insatiable appetite is all around us, wherever we go. Homo Colossus, one ecologist has called us. And we're not just consuming stuff, we're consuming the planet and the resources that our children/grandchildren will need. I'm glad for the personal peace each of us can feel as we free ourselves from these habits. But I also hope that we feel an increasingly deep distress--as you do here--as we witness the impact of human greed around us. Ooooh, as I read this, I see how dark and preachy it sounds. Apologies for that, and yet I feel it must be said.
Not preachy at all -- and this is no time to ignore the darkness, especially when our choices and our actions can become part of a bigger light. Happy Holidays dear woman. I'm so grateful for your guiding presence in my writing life.
Resolve is my focus this year during the solstice and the winter holidays that lead to the new year. Inner resolve that is my fire within. I've always been a minimalist having been brought up poor in the South during the 40s and 50s. It's such a freedom to live with less, enriching by allowing an inner peace. The slow pace of life and the poverty of the Deep South was a gift to me then as a child and now as an elder. Happy Holidays!
Kate, what a beautiful framing of your story, and truly the wisdom of an elder. Thank you. I agree that living with less enriches our inner peace. The holidays have just gotten too loud. Sending goodwill and a very peaceful holiday.
Beautiful sentiments, Stephanie. We too have scaled back on holiday noise and distraction and focus on quiet evenings with teeny lights. Christmas cards/letters and the stress they bring have also gone by the wayside. Peace, quiet and kindness are what I wish for all❤️💚
We are on the same page, Marilea. I'm so grateful for an extended time of quiet and kindness -- that's what the holidays are about for me too. Wishing you and yours the sweetness and simplicity of a gentle celebration.
The display is all you say it is, whew!
To me, the holidays are about two things. The first is flavors. My bestest holiday family gathering memories involve fun new, or beloved traditional things to taste!
I carry this “love of all” out into my life in the same way. “Here, I love you. So taste this wonderful new thing my family loves, or taste this amazing new thing that I’ve found!” It’s a celebration of the now, the very most immediate now of life’s joy is flavors. To me.
The other aspect of holidays (and aging) is energy. How much energy do I have to spread flavorful joy to how many people? And still have time for my own?
Needless to say, that integer drops as I age. So I take effort to marshal and apportion that energy pretty carefully these days. Any waste of that energy, the animus of my holiday spirit, is uncool unto me.
So I see a big ole’ waste of holiday energy going on across the street from your house, it wrankles me every time.
That waste of energy ruins the holiday flavor for me!
See how I came full circle on that one?
😜🎄
Absolutely saw how you brought that full circle. Well done. As for waste, it makes my heart sink when I think about all those Christmas blow-ups -- they will just wind up in landfill. And as you point out, the energy of putting so much stuff on the front lawn could have gone for sharing foods and tastes with others, bringing about connection. Sending love, hugs and goodwill this holiday season, Eric. Thanks for being a part of my world -- and Dean's too.
I cherish our peaceful holidays now. I feel deeply appreciative that our grown children suggested years ago that we forego the shopping and gift-giving in lieu of gathering whenever we can and enjoying a pot luck and a day of playing games, something that has always been an important part of our family life. I honestly believe our celebrations are so much better than when the tree was crowded with gifts and the calendar illegible due to all the activities and commitments. Now we have two new grandbabies. Although we all agreed that giving gifts to children was still fine, I limit myself to one carefully chosen gift for each. Because of my personal commitments, I try to make those non-plastic and something that contributes to their connection to the natural world.
I appreciate your wise and compassionate words.
Leenie, How wonderful that you give non-plastic gifts to your grandbabies. What a great commitment. And I love the ritual of breaking bread, sharing food, playing games, connecting. This is what the holidays should be — a gentle and joyous remembering of one another’s hearts; an undeniable connection to the DNA of the love that binds us. May your holidays be so very sweet and cozy.
Your article made me tear up. This:
Light is what welcomes in the stranger.
I chose not to decorate a home with all of the usual Christmas trappings this year, and instead have only had a few strings of coloured lights. And it’s been enough.
Thank you for an excellent reminder about the season.💕
Sheila, you’re a good woman. May your Christmas be sweet and cozy and may we all know the beauty of simplicity in this season of lights.
What a lovely response, Stephanie, thank you so much.💕 Happy Holidays and a very Merry Christmas to you.
So beautifully written. Brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you Barbara. When someone has an emotional response to something I've written, I feel I've done my work. Thank you for sharing that this piece moved you.
Hi Stephanie,
What an amazing, insightful post. I did chuckle about your comment on your neighbor's lights probably being seen in outer space.
I'm with you. I hate the consumerism -- and it's always about buying more and more and more and if you don't fall in with the buying crowd, then you are not enough. To me, it's sheer nonsense. I don't need the latest gadget and more things. I just need the love of people in my life. The holidays had lost their meaning for me -- until this year.
This year, I felt some joy. My family and I "adopted" a family in need and bought them presents that they had asked for. Our goal was not to buy each other gifts. And giving people what they needed and wanted instead of giving and receiving more things for ourselves felt so good. It warmed my heart.
I love that you are critical of consumerism, but not your neighbor. Even those who are way over the top in consumerism can be wonderful people.
Thank you for this wonderful article. Wishing you a great holiday, living it your way and filled with love.
How nourishing to the heart it must feel to have adopted a family for the holidays. And I can see how that would light a sense of joy and goodwill. "The love of people in my life" is all I need and want for the holidays." This says it all. At our essence, being loved and giving love is really the celebration of our soul light in these shorter, darker, days. Thank you, Beth, for being a part of my world and a kindred spirt. Happy, sweet, cozy holidays, friend.
I wander and I wonder and I love to linger.
The house you described reminds me of a movie. I watched with my daughters recently, and I can’t remember the name of it, but it has to do with this house that wanted to be seen from Outer space.
Of course, there was a competition between the two neighbors. The consumer is almost endless debt
And zero happiness.
The not enough syndrome is sad
I love your sentiments thank you for this beautiful essay.
Funny note :
I misplaced all of our Christmas decorations and not on purpose. So we have this tiny little tree with no ornaments because I’m sure the box is gonna appear. I don’t wanna buy anything more 😘
"The consumer is almost endless debt and zero happiness." Yes, this is sadly the state for so many. That's why your story; the way that you walk in the world; the medicine way that you teach; that's why you are a beckoning light in this storm. Sometimes I think we just don't know where or how to start. We need someone to take us by the hand and walk us outside, point up to the stars and say "you belong to all of this. This is you're home."That's how I hold the work you do in the world. Looking forward to seeing you in 2025. Until then, have a sweet celebration with Abby, Libby and the angels that hover, (including the amazing pup). Sending you and yours love, hugs and appreciation.
Lovely piece Stephanie. As I get older I want more meaningful experiences and less stuff. I decorate a tiny little tree with handmade ornaments that my grown children made when they were little, I set up a small winter display atop a blanket of snow with a few pinecones, candles and my favorite snowmen. Connecting with family and friends amid the quiet moments are what it's all about for me. Fills my heart. Have a beautiful, peaceful holiday ✨️
Jeanne, I love the simple and beautiful tradition you've built -- ornaments that your grown children made when they were little -- so sweet, so perfect, so what the holidays should be. I must confess that your comment gave me one small twinge of wanting "more". I'd love to be able to gather some pine cones. Love the way they look, and the way they smell. Peaceful holidays and coziness to you.
I was missing your writing Stephanie, and am happy to read this✨🌟💖🙏🕊️
Thanks Camilla. I've missed my Substack tribe. Good to be back. Happiest of holidays and all goodwill to you and yours.
Thank you for this renewed perspective on the excess all around us. It all seems a bit silly, doesn't it? You're right, all we really need is each other. Happy holidays, Stephanie!
Happy to have you in my life, Linda. May we continue to eschew the silliness and embrace the grace of having each other. Happy Holidays.